This an edited version of appendix 2 of my free ebook, the God-sent Spouse (Fiction)
Because many singles have heard God show them their future husband or wife, and it never materialized, some Christians conclude that God cannot and will never tell you who to marry. That it is all up to you to go about looking for a mate.
That hurts the amazing testimonies of those whom it is evident God showe them their future husband or wife. And there are many such testimonies.
Just because some experience failure doesn't mean others do not register genuine success.
God is our Father. And his Fatherly heart is not happy when we make fatal mistakes. He guides, he leads. He tells us to ask for wisdom where we lack it, and he promises to give liberally, without grudging.
I believe you can and should expect God's leading and guidance as you seek a wife or husband. As a Christian, you shouldn't go into a relationship without seeking God.
Only, do not seek to have an exact experience with someone else. You're unique – the way God leads me may be different from the way he leads you.
Also, remember that guidance in romantic relationships is usually clouded by our emotions. Therefore, it is unwise to quickly conclude that God has said this or that, or to cling to a supposed word from God.
If you're in a relationship and your heart harbors reservation, for whatever reason, do not ignore it. There's a high probability that that is the voice of God.
If the person's behavior causes serious concern, do not ignore it. God's guidance is not some vague feeling, a thought, or a voice that doesn't align with the realities at hand.
I do not believe that when God created you, he also created your counterpart of the opposite sex, someone you were "ordained" to marry; someone you are inescapably bound to marry.
I've witnessed where someone believes their spouse is not the one God ordained for them, and they're ready to divorce that one and go marry the God-ordained one.
The increase in the cases of divorce and remarriage for unbiblical reasons among Christians today has made some not to take their marriage vows seriously.
They can divorce and remarry for any reason, including 'marrying the God-ordained one you had missed'.
Closer intimacy helps give you God's perspective in life. It helps you to understand the path God wants you to take in life.
It also helps you to understand the kind of mate that fits you. Two cannot walk together without agreement.
Agreement doesn't necessarily mean the same career path or complementary paths. But your mate should be able to encourage you to pursue your God-given purpose.
If they hate the path God wants you to walk in, they're not suitable for you.
I don't mean you long for marriage or daydream about it. Learn about marriage. Read good books on marriage. Learn the different roles of the spouses.
This not only prepares you for your role but helps you to see if the person who comes your way is ready for marriage.
Physical maturity, having money, or becoming born-again, are not the qualifications for marriage.
Many Christian singles desiring marriage are not yet ready for the responsibilities. They long for sex and status. They want to conform because they see their friends getting married and updating profile pictures. They have family pressuring them.
As such they bow to the pressure to consider anyone available. In those moments, it becomes hard to hear God. Or even if God speaks, they're ready to ignore or silence his voice.
Preparing for marriage helps you to know what a good mate is. I didn’t say, perfect mate. Good mate.
If you don't know who a godly husband is, you'll accept anything with a penis. If you don't know who a godly wife is, you'll accept anything with a pair of boobs and…
Sorry for the hard language. I hope the message sinks in, though.
Our society and the church desperately need good marriages that reflect the beauty of the relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church.
One way to make this happen is to inspire singles to approach marriage the right way.
I wish I can give you a step by step approach. But the secret lies in your relationship with the Lord. It's not a formula. Let him lead you.
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