Last edited: Aug 12, 2020
I once believed God showed me my future husband. When the relationship crashed, I was devastated emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
I laugh because I can't believe I recovered; it was one of those darkest moments of my life, and I didn't believe I can ever be normal again.
And it was not really because of the man, but because of the thought of having done something wrong to cause God's will not to come to pass.
For a long time, I blamed and hated myself. I had failed God.
Since my born-again experience, I believed and taught that we're supposed to trust God to lead us to the right person in order to avoid unfortunate relationships. But here was I with a negative testimony.
I hated myself and believed God hated me too. I didn't think he will ever use me again.
But after a long time, the scales began to fall, and I came to a place where I heartily appreciated God for deliverance.
I call it deliverance because the path God wanted me to go in, the path he'd always drawn my heart towards that direction, I'd never have followed if he did not deliver me from that 'conviction'.
The path I knew was right for me, the man didn't like it. And I was willing to compromise my purpose!
That's sad right. But I thought God said he was going to be my husband. *Laugh*.
If you are in a relationship where your heart is torn and your mind confused, it's not God. No matter what you believe you heard from God or saw in a vision. God is not an author of confusion.
I want to shout it loud and clear that God can show you who to marry. He cares for his children enough to lead them to the right persons.
The purpose of this post is to highlight the negative experiences singles sometimes have and the mistakes that fuel those negative experiences
I know several persons who believed God showed them their future spouses, men as well as women, and it never came to pass.
This is a perennial problem among Christian Singles. Many stories like mine abound on the internet. So I refused to keep my negative experience to myself.
I hope that by bringing up one more sad story, it will help countless other singles to be careful about what they hold unto as God showing them their future husband or wife.
The biggest problem people who've 'heard from God about marrying someone' usually have is the ignoring of red flags. The 'word from God' trumps all logical reasoning and biblical principles.
All the focus is on the 'fact' that God has spoken and the mistaken belief is 'all will be well, and we shall live happily ever after'.
It is true that sometimes what God tells us to do defies logic. For example, telling Moses and the Israelites to go forward while the Red Sea stared at them. But in relationships, that shouldn't be the case.
To throw every piece of advice out the window while clinging to a 'word from God' about marrying someone whose actions are red flags and warning signs against such a relationship, is not only stupid but dangerous.
You are setting yourself up for regrets in the future unless God's mercies intervene.
That is not to say relationships and marriages don't sometimes experience turmoil.
But when someone is constantly causing you to regret the relationship, it's hard to believe that God would give such a person to his son or daughter who sincerely desires to live for the Lord.
I couldn’t just bring myself to accept that God did not speak to me after the relationship failed. I've spoken with other singles, and it's always, always, always hard.
Tucked somewhere in a part of our mind is the belief that somehow we disrupted God's plan.
Or that we weren't prayerful enough and the devil outsmarted us.
Or that there was something we needed to do but didn't do because we were ignorant of, but didn't make the effort to seek and receive wisdom and guidance from God.
Talk of warped reasoning.
All that boils down to the refusal to accept we heard our emotions, desires, or the devil. It is humiliating to accept that "God did not show me my future husband."
Singles do not need to be overly concerned about whether God spoke or not as they should be about the character of the person they desire to marry.
Keep aside that 'word from God' and stare clearly into the person. Do you really, really, really love them? Can you live with them for the rest of your life? Can you handle their character? Can you handle their ambitions and goals?
The truth is, if you are in a relationship that God doesn't want you in, and you are in tune with him, willing to let go of emotions and listen to his voice in your spirit and the principles of his word, God would make it known to you.
There shouldn't be fear in the heart of any child of God because they don't have 'supernatural' confirmations for their relationship.
Put that word to test by allowing God to orchestrate circumstances to bring about fulfillment.
Desist from trying to make God's will to happen through your gymnastics.
A relationship may graduate into marriage, it doesn't mean God sanctioned it.
There are people in marriage today confused because they married someone solely on 'a word from God' and now they don't understand why they have a stale marriage
Even God-ordained unions have challenges, so don't misunderstand me. I'm talking here of situations where a husband or wife would say, "If not because God told me to marry them..."
So you see, you need to be careful about what you've heard from God. Judge your own heart and also wait on the Lord. Let him do his work in his own time and way.
However, don't wait for eternity!
If you've waited long, and the desire is going nowhere, and you're close to that man, where you can consider him as a friend or a brother who wouldn’t think of you in a negative light if you disclose your admiration, you can approach him.
It's a terrible place to harbor unfulfilled desires for a long time. So, tell the brother what's eating you up.
Don't say to him "the Lord showed me you're my future husband." Don't seek to manipulate him.
Only inform him you love him.
His response – whether yes or no – will help to settle your mind.
But, you must be sure it's not desperation pushing you to take that route. Pray about it and make sure God is not objecting to that move.
I would never have recommended this path for a woman, but I know people I respect so much, people with truly enviable marriages, and it was the woman who made the first move after waiting long for the man to come along.
It worked and they've been happily married for decades with a firm mentality of 'til death do us part'.
It may not work for you but it would help your mind to rest. It will help you to consider other men you might have been ignoring while waiting for your admirer to come along.
Do not go into a relationship with reservations in your heart.
I had reservations from the onset but ignored them because the "word from God" was more important than my objections.
God's word and guidance are important.
As Christians, we must walk in obedience to the Lord. But where we can't find a direct scripture for our situation, his still, small voice in our spirits becomes a more reliable guide than emotions or physical circumstances or a prophecy.
A reservation in your heart is a strong check when it comes to relationships. You recognize it when romantic feelings wouldn’t silence it.
Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.
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