This is an edited version of appendix one of my free ebook, The God-sent Spouse (Fiction).
I once believed God showed me my future husband. When the relationship crashed, I was devastated emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
I laugh because I can't believe I recovered; it was one of the darkest moments of my life, and I didn't believe that I can ever be normal again.
And it was not really because of the man, but because of the thought of having done something wrong to cause God's will not to come to pass.
I constantly asked the question 'but what about what the Lord told me'?
For a long time, I blamed and hated myself. I had failed God.
Since I got born-again I had believed and taught that we're supposed to trust God to lead us to the right person in order to avoid unfortunate relationships, but here was I with a negative testimony.
I hated myself and believed God hated me too. I didn't think he will ever use me again.
But after a long time, the scales began to fall, and I came to a place where I heartily appreciated God for deliverance.
I call it deliverance because the path God wanted me to go in, the path he'd always drawn my heart towards that direction, I would never have followed if he did not deliver me from that conviction.
I know several persons who've been victims as well.
Because this is a perennial problem among Christian Singles, I wrote the play and attached the appendices.
The biggest problem people who've 'heard from God about marrying someone' usually have is the ignoring of red flags. The 'word from God' trumps all logical reasoning and biblical principles.
All the focus is on the 'fact' that God has spoken and the mistaken belief is 'all will be well, and we shall live happily ever after'.
It is true that sometimes what God tells us to do defies logic. For example, telling Moses and the Israelites to go forward while the Red Sea stared at them. But in relationships, that shouldn't be the case.
To throw every piece of advice out the window while clinging to a 'word from God' about marrying someone whose actions are red flags and warning signs against such a relationship, is not only stupid but dangerous.
You are setting yourself up for regrets in the future unless God's mercies intervene.
That is not to say relationships and marriages don't sometimes experience turmoil.
But when someone is constantly causing you to regret the relationship, it's hard to believe that God would give such a person to his son or daughter who sincerely desires to live for the Lord.
I couldn’t just bring myself to accept that God did not speak to me after the relationship failed. I've spoken with other singles, and it's always hard.
Tucked somewhere in a part of our mind is the belief that somehow we disrupted God's plan.
Or that we weren't prayerful enough and the devil outsmarted us.
Or that there was something we needed to do but didn't do because we were ignorant of, but didn't make the effort to seek and receive wisdom and guidance from God.
Talk of warped reasoning. Grasping at illogical rationality to protect our dignity and integrity, to avoid the humiliation of ego that comes with the truth that God never spoke to us. That we heard our emotions, desires, or the devil.
Singles need to learn not to be overly concerned about whether God spoke or not as about the character of the person they desire to be with.
I know that doesn't sound spiritual. But if spiritual is what is responsible for so much heartbreak, confusion, and a blurred image of God's love and faithfulness, it's high time to embrace the 'less spiritual' strategy.
The truth is, if you are in a relationship that God doesn't want you in, and you are in tune with him, willing to let go of emotions and listen to his voice in your spirit and the principles of his word, God would make it known to you.
Therefore, there shouldn't be fear in the heart of any child of God that they don't have 'supernatural' confirmations for their relationship.
Let God do his work. Ascertain his will by allowing him to orchestrate circumstances to bring about fulfillment.
Desist from trying to make God's will to happen through your gymnastics.
However, if you've waited long, and the desire is going nowhere, and you're close to that man, where you can consider him as a friend or a brother who wouldn’t think of you in a negative light if you disclose your admiration, you can approach him.
It's a terrible place to harbor unfulfilled desires for a long time. So, tell the brother what's eating you up.
Don't say the Lord said he's your husband. Don't try to manipulate him. Only inform him you love him. His response – whether yes or no – will help to settle your mind.
But, you must be sure it's not desperation pushing you to take that route. Pray about it and make sure God is not objecting to that move.
I wouldn’t have recommended this path for a woman, but I know people I respect so much in whose relationship the women made the first move, being convinced that God was in it.
It worked and they've been happily married for decades with a firm mentality of 'til death do us part'.
It may not work for you but it would help your mind to rest. It will help you to consider other men you might have been ignoring while waiting for your admirer to come along.
Do not go into a relationship with reservations in your heart. I had reservations from the onset but ignored them because the "word from God" was more important than my objections.
God's word and guidance are important. As Christians, we must walk in obedience to the Lord. But where we can't find a direct scripture for our situation, his still, small voice in our spirits becomes a more reliable guide than emotions or physical circumstances or a prophecy.
A reservation in your heart is a strong check when it comes to relationships. You recognize it when romantic feelings wouldn’t silence it.
Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.
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