Each time I saw John, something lit up within me. Something just couldn't stop drawing me to him.
Then one day, God told me he was going to be my husband. I was so happy but still unconvinced. I asked the Lord to confirm to me that John would truly be my husband.
The Lord confirmed to me that John would be mine. I w hysterical.
I incessantly prayed for John to come around.
Finally, John asked me out. A few months later, we got married and lived happily ever after.
How I wish that were the case.
I had looked forward to the marriage and the ever after, but it never happened, because a few months after we started dating, John walked away with another woman, leaving me heartbroken. And confused.
However, I still believed God told me he was going to be my husband.
I tried all in my power to bring him back to me. All in vain. I learned he later walked away from the other woman, before finally settling down with another woman."
The example above is fiction, but one that does happen in real life to many Christian Singles.
The number of web searches for "God showed me my husband”, God told me he’s going to be my husband", etc, is telling.
And until the Lord Jesus comes back, it would remain an issue. It would be great if there are only success stories.
Instead there is usually an abundance of regret, confusion, and disillusion stories.
The many negative experiences have led some believers to conclude that God cannot and will not tell you who to marry. That is not true.
God can and will tell you who to marry. Do not let the negative stories to hinder you from trusting God.
I had once heard "God" tell me someone was going to be my husband.
When the relationship crashed, I was devastated emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
I laugh now because I can’t believe I recovered. It was one of the darkest moments of my life. I didn’t believe I can ever be normal again.
The pain of that experience was mostly from the belief that I'd done something wrong to cause God’s will to fail.
For a long time I blamed and hated myself.
From the time I got bornagain, I'd believed and taught that we're supposed to trust God to lead us to the right person in order to avoid unfortunate relationships. But here was I with a negative testimony.
I believed God hated me. I didn’t think he'll ever use me again. I'd become a useless and despised piece of nothing in his sight.
O my, I've really come a long way renewing my mind.
But after a long time, the scales began to fall off and I came to a place where I heartily appreciated God that the said relationship didn't end in marriage.
Breakups should not always be viewed negatively. It is better to experience the pain of broken engagement than the hurt of divorce.
I know several persons who have been victims of "God" revealing their spouse.
The biggest problem such persons, including myself is the refusal to acknowledge relationship red flags.
The ‘word from God’ trumps all logical reasoning and biblical principles.
All the focus is on the ‘fact’ that God has spoken and the mistaken belief is that ‘all will be well. And we shall live happily ever after’.
Sometimes what God tells us to do defies logic. For example, telling Moses and the Israelites to go forward while the Red Sea stared at them.
But with relationships, that shouldn’t be the case.
To throw every piece of advice out the window while clinging to a ‘word from God’ about marrying someone whose actions are red flags and warning signs against such a relationship, is not only stupid but dangerous.
You're setting yourself up for regrets, unless God’s mercies intervene.
That's not to say relationships and marriages don’t sometimes experience turmoil. That's not to say good relationships are perfect.
But when someone is constantly abusive, constantly giving you reason to regret the relationship, it’s hard to believe God would give such a person to his son or daughter who is sincerely seeking to live for him.
It is normal to have feelings for the opposite sex. It is normal to admire someone of the opposite sex who has qualities you desire.
Mere wish that you could be married to them is not inherently sinful.
But you must know where the boundaries of your desire end.
Unfortunately, many Singles intensify the feelings by fantasizing about living with that person. Or they troll them.
In that situation, it becomes easier to "hear God" tell you he's going to be your husband.
And you may see circumstance differently – seeing confirmation signs everywhere.
A smile from that person tells you he's going to be your husband.
An ambiguous statement from that person confirms to you that he's going to be your husband.
Even your dreams prophesy that he's going to be your husband.
One of the hardest things for the single who "heard God tell them a certain man was going to be her husband," is to accept that God did not speak. Subtle pride.
There is pain involved in accepting that the voice that spoke was not God's. It is hard to accept it was mere infatuation or delusion.
This mindset alone has made some women wait for five, seven, ten years! Waiting for the man God said was going to be her husband to come along.
You see the person every day, probably dating other singles. You're pained but keep on waiting because God told you he is going to be your husband.
And then one morning you hear his marriage banns announced or you see wedding photos trending on social media.
I have spoken with singles who experienced failure with a word from God. I shared similar feelings and confusion.
Tucked somewhere in a part of our mind is the belief that we disrupted God’s plan.
Or that we weren't prayerful enough, and the devil outsmarted us.
Or that there was something we needed to do but didn’t do because we were ignorant of but didn’t take the effort to seek and receive wisdom and guidance from God.
Talk of warped thinking.
Life experiences lessons for us to grow and be able to educate ourselves and others.
When we do not learn the lessons those experiences offer us, we continue to make the same mistakes.
That makes God schizophrenic and unreliable – he says yes and no at the same time.
He leads us into what he cannot complete. He tells us that brother is going to be our mate when he, God, knows ahead of time they won’t come or they won’t accept us, or that the relationship will fail.
That is not the God of the Bible.
Singles need to learn not to be overly concerned about whether or not God spoke as about the character of the person they're intending to marry.
If you believe the "Lord" has told you a particular brother is going to be your husband, let God do his work.
Find out God's will by allowing him to orchestrate circumstances to bring that will to pass.
Desist from trying to make God’s will happen through your gymnastics.
BUT don't wait forever. I advise a maximum waiting period of two years.
If the man doesn't approach you for a romantic relationship, discard those convictions and move on.
I feel it's worth repeating: Don't wait forever.
Some young women have waited for 2, 5, 7, even 10 years only to be disappointed at the end.
Dear sister, God would not burden you with unfulfilled yearnings. As a Father, he loves you immensely.
However, if you believe God told you a man is going to be your husband, and the man approaches you for a dating relationship, don't conclude yet that the Lord told you that he's going to be your husband. Don't bury your head in the sand.
Let the will of God unfold as you get to know that man more. Be open to the voice of God in your spirit, not through your emotions.
Take red flags seriously.
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