Living single and victorious as a Christian has been a journey of making mistakes, growing, and finding contentment in this season.
It’s been and still is a time of dealing with the challenges of singleness AND also enjoying its benefits.
In this article, I give you some principles that helped me navigate through the murky season to where I am today—single and contented, even as I desire to be married.
There was a time I hated being single. At nineteen, my anxiety levels were shooting through the roof, and I thought I would develop high blood pressure if I didn’t get married that year.
I was in an environment that lay so much emphasis on getting married and being normal that the drive to conform was high.
I fantasized about marriage all the time and thought of nothing more important the Lord could do for me than leading me to the right one.
Fast forward ten years later, two breakups, and still single when I made a life-changing decision to prioritize the pursuit of God’s purpose for my life.
Things began to fall into place, which made me realize that living single as a Christian while waiting or pursuing marriage doesn’t have to be a passive season or one filled with anxiety and fear.
Have you ever searched to know what the Bible says about being single? I doubt if many singles actually do.
Much of what I knew about singleness was from my environment, sadly a Christian environment, but not the Bible.
Until years later when I learned the importance of knowing and following God’s purpose for me, a great part of my early Christian life held to the view that after salvation and employment, the only next thing I needed to do was get married, settle down, have kids, all the while looking for opportunities to serve the Lord.
That is why when I had a good-paying job, I didn’t expect God to rock the boat. I just wanted to get married.
Nowhere in the scripture do you find singleness implied to be a sin, a punishment, or an inferior, second-best life to be escaped at all cost.Both marriage and singleness are highly valued by God. Each serves its purpose to the glory of God.
The Lord expects those with a strong sexual desire to seek
marriage. Otherwise, it is perfectly normal for a Christian to live single for
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Singleness is a gift. Marriage is a gift. For some persons, singleness is lifelong, for most people, it’s a temporary season.
When you know what the Bible says about singleness, it liberates you from society’s wrong perspectives that push singles towards impatience, anxiety, insecurity, and vulnerability to making bad choices.
Living single will bring seasons of great discontent. Pressure from your body, pressure from friends, family, and society, and the effects of seeing others getting married can team up to make a single’s life miserable.
Philippians 4-6 is a portion of scripture that has saved me many times.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Verse 4 gives the source of our joy—it’s in the Lord. It is not in relationship status. It is not in academic and professional achievements. It is not in our finances or circle of friends. It is in the Lord.
That’s the truest, most stable source of joy because it doesn’t depend on changing circumstances.
Verse 6 tells us how to derive that joy—by making our requests known to God.
Making your requests known to God is different from asking the Lord to give you what you want when you want. As 1 Peter 5:7 says, it is casting our care on the Lord, trusting in His promise to care for us.
The way He chooses to care for our needs might differ completely from what we think we need.
He can choose to meet that need right away, or He can fill your heart with joy and peace, even in the midst of the storm.
Have you found God’s purpose for your life? If not, you’re missing out on a lot.
Purpose gives you direction and makes your life count for something so that your reason to live doesn’t revolve around finding a mate.
God created you with a unique plan. You need to understand what it is and to move in that direction.
Purpose also makes you more aware and firm about the qualities to look for in a mate.
Putting priority on God’s plan for your life means you can’t just marry anyone. You’ll need a man or a woman who can accept and encourage what the Lord has called you to do.
Before I embraced my identity in Christ and learned to love me before expecting anyone to do the same, relationships used to feel like the best thing to happen to me.
Being a child of God, loved and forgiven by Him, was never enough, it never came close to being loved by a fellow mortal. That is so sad.
That’s one reason breakups were dark periods of pain and confusion for me. Because my validation came from being in a relationship.
God’s love is the cure for our insecurity. When we know how much He loves us, we see how sickening it is to let a fellow human’s acceptance or rejection determine how we feel or see ourselves.
Singles, like everyone else, need to develop a healthy self-worth because a lack of it can lead you to choices you would regret for the rest of your life.
Living single and contented as you wait for or pursue marriage means facing the challenges of the unmarried life.
Without knowing how to handle those challenges, you might just cut short the benefits of this beautiful season of life.
Those challenges need a separate article, so I’m just going
to recommend other helpful articles below.
Living single can be a beautiful season of life. Waiting for marriage doesn’t have to be a time for anxiety and desperation. You can and should maximize your singleness.
I also recommend the following video I did on Inspirational Quotes for Christian singles
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