Painful Breakup Dont's

young woman leaning against a wallPhoto by Eric Ward on Unsplash

I've know the heartbreak of painful breakup, an experience I wrote about in this post: Healing from a painful breakup with maturity.

It is a torturous moment and healing can be difficult if the grieving period is not handled well.

The good news is that a heartbreak can yield beneficial harvests if you know the dont's of this season!

Painful Breakup Dont's: Don't call or text your ex.

It only hurts you.

I know the darkness that accompanies not calling or texting your ex. You see a glimmer of hope with each urge to reconnect.

"I might say something that'll convince them to come back to me." 

"He may finally consider my begging." The urge is irresistible.But you only delay your healing by trying to reconnect.

If they pick your call or reply to your message, chances are they'd say something awful.

"Stop calling me!"

"I'm not coming back to you!"

Even the refusal to pick your calls or the ignoring of your messages is deeply hurting. You don't need that. Swallow the present pain and become a stronger person.

2. Stop checking your phone!

Sorry, honey, they won't call or text you.

While you're pining for them, they’re probably having a time of their life, with no room for you.

They may already be in another relationship. The calls or text you await are being sent to the new lover.

If you can't resist the temptation to check your phone, switch it off or change your number. Hard. But it's tight. And it will do you a lot of good.

Much pain during breakup results from untamed emotions and desires. You can resist the urge. Yes, you can. It's not easy, but it's doable.

Find something else to do. Pray and ask the Lord for grace. Talk to a compassionate friend. Read a book.

The desire to check your phone or call them is like an addiction. After a certain period of denying it gratification, you gain more strength over them, and they lose their appeal and power over you.


3. Don't stalk your ex on social media.

It exacerbates the pain.

They're not whining on their walls. No moans. No hints of a breakup. No subliminal attacks on you. Nothing.

They may be posting things quite unrelated to relationships. Maybe politics, academics, etc. Signs that they've moved on. Why can't you move on, too?

Block them if you can't resist the urge. The decision to stalk them will require extra steps of unblocking, and by then, you may have a rethink about the decision.

4. Do not post about the painful break up on Facebook

Don't publish subliminal posts hoping your ex will read them.

Don't weep on your wall.

It is tempting to long for sympathy, but it doesn't help. While Facebook friends comfort you online, behind their screens some are laughing and others are rejoicing.

5. Do not pray for the ex to come back!

It's not a lack of prayers that sent them away. Don't even believe it was the devil that separated you two.

A YUGE majority of problems in the Christian life, including heartbreak or breakup, are not caused by demons. They're mostly self-inflicted or natural.

Instead of begging God to reunite you, instead of binding unknown demons, worship God.

Take stock of the just-ended relationship and see where personal change is necessary. Learn from it and move on.

God does restore relationships, but they work better when you've healed and allowed the unfolding to come naturally.

6. Do not jump into a new relationship. Heal first.

Rushing into a new relationship immediately after a painful breakup is a sign of a deeper problem. You can't handle your emptiness.

It shows you don't even know the purpose of relationships. You're merely seeking a band-aid for your wounded heart.

Friend, you need healing, not cosmetic solutions.

During a breakup, you're vulnerable. You may accept someone who's not the right fit, and set your heart for more pain.

You may fall victim to vices you'd later regret, especially if your new partner knows your situation. They may be preying on your vulnerability.

7. Do not rundown your ex.

A painful breakup, especially after vain attempts to get your ex back, can be an opportunity to vilify them.

It is usually the time to expose flaws and red flags you had ignored.

While it may be helpful to reveal these things, because they actually help you acknowledge your previous willful ignorance, doing it in a bad way fertilizes bitterness and resentment in your heart.

It hurts you more than it hurts that person whose image you want to mar.

Let the Lord help you to forgive.

8. Do not attack your ex's new lover!

You've been dumped for someone else? It's not their fault. Even if they snatched your ex from you, don't attack them. Why?

Because it won't bring your ex back. Plus, it'll give you a bad name and at least one new enemy.


A painful breakup can be deeply torturous. What you do or don't do can exacerbate the pain. Heal the right way and become a stronger person.

Jesus loves you.

Janet is a Christian with a knack for writing. While it helps her to unclutter her mind, she also uses the talent to encourage the pursuit of intimacy with God and a purpose-driven life.

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