5 Major Ways to Maintain Purity in Christian Dating


Sexual purity during dating is possible when you know how and what to do to maintain the standard of holiness in your relationship

1.   Glorify God in your relationship.

The first and even only reason why you should pursue purity is because sexual immorality is a sin against God.

Your body does not belong to you. It belongs to the Lord who bought you at the price of His Son's life (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

Make a commitment to glorify God in your relationship by committing to say no to sex before marriage. This will come through the decisions and actions you take with your partner.

As a Christian, you should not be with someone who doesn’t love God, because they will not consider godly standards worth submitting to.

If your partner doesn't see God's honor as a priority, you are with the wrong person. Let go and wait on God to bring your mate.

True love waits to have sexual gratification only in marriage. It is easier to maintain purity with someone who has the same values with you.

Be with someone who will help you to be sexually pure, not someone who will pull you into sin.

2. Set relationship rules and boundaries.

Glorifying God is not an emotional or mental act. It is demonstrated by your actions, what you choose to do or not to do.

Do not take it for granted that since your partner is also a Christian, there's no need to set relationship rules and boundaries.

Remember that you are still human and can each fall into sexual sin. Emotions are irresponsible until you make them accountable.

Relationship rules help remind you both of your commitment to purity.

Aim for safest boundaries

Kissing during dating, right or wrong?

Jill and Jack were surprised to have sex after they'd each promised the other to wait until marriage. It was then they realized that it had been unwise for them to calm their excited emotions with kissing, that it had been risky expressing their affection for each other by tolerating levels of physical intimacy that were sexually arousing.

Believing that they were strong enough to resist arriving at the real act, they would spend considerable time kissing and touching body parts, until one day they reached the point of no return.

This is a fictional illustration, but it does happen. It is not strange for a pastor to have two young people in a dating relationship come into his office confessing they've fallen into sin.

They never planned to do it, but they also didn't plan how not to do it.

Your desire to remain abstinent until marriage may still fail if your relationship rules and boundaries are such that the distance between sexual stimulus and the act itself is very thin.

Counselors agree that petting conforms to the law of diminishing returns. The first kiss is thrilling. The second less thrilling. And the third is even more less thrilling.

You will have to kiss more or touch more, or overstep some more boundaries, in order to achieve the same effect.


"If you don't want a fire, don't experiment with a stick of match in a room filled with butane gas, unless you have an authorized fire extinguisher handy." (From my novel, Before Mr. Right Came)

Another disadvantage of petting during dating is that you gradually lose self-control each time the flesh is gratified. And with the law of diminishing returns in play, you would need more touching of excitable body parts in order to get pleased.

You will never reach the place of out rightly fornicating if you aim for safest boundaries. It may be hard to set and impose those boundaries, but think of why you are doing so.

Look at your goal, purity, instead of paying attention to the present struggle with self-control.

There would be enough time after you say "I do" to indulge what level of intimacy you want without guilt and regrets.

Right now, it is better to kiss premarital kissing goodbye, say no to sleepovers, refuse to massage each other's body, say no to uncompromising locations and postures.

3. Date With Purpose. Avoid Long Term Relationships

Marriage should be in your mind when you're dating. Don't date for the fun of it. Don't date because every one of your friends is dating.

If you are not ready for marriage in the  near future, it's probably better to commit yourself to what is important to you right now. Maybe personal development, business, career or a deepening relationship with the Lord.

Aimless relationships are a good breeding ground for fornication.

Without a purpose and plan for your relationship, what may be binding you two for now is simply sexual attraction, which is hard to maintain over a long period of time without yielding to temptation.

4. Ask God for help. Constantly

Sheer determination is good but not usually enough. This is very important if you've once been sexually active. A person who has fornicated before lacks the same resolve of a virgin.

The Holy Spirit is the ever-present Helper whose enablement you can take refuge in. One way you do this is through prayer.

Sometimes fasting may be necessary to discipline your body and restrain the emotions that want to get out of control.

Acknowledge your helplessness to the Lord and ask for help. Coupled with a desire to honor God, you will find it purity during dating less of a burden.

Also important is for you to constantly read and meditate on purity Bible verses. The Word of God is so powerful that it exerts a holy influence on you when you just read it.

It restrains your emotions and puts up a barrier between you and sin that cannot be easily jumped over. You will have to literally ignore those words ringing in your ears and mind indulge sex before marriage

5. Have Someone Keep You Accountable

If this can work for you, fine. Personally, I don't find this absolutely necessary if you follow the other steps above.

Your accountability partner will not be there to stop you from fornicating once your emotions are aroused by kissing, other forms of petting or uncompromising postures with the person you are dating.

The greater responsibility in the pursuit of purity during dating therefore rests with you.


Be encouraged in your pursuit of purity in your dating relationship. It is a possibility. Some do fail to maintain that standard, but you don't have to.

Take the initiative to impose rules that ensure you achieve that God-honoring goal of sexual abstinence until marriage.

Let me get your thoughts in the comments section below.

God bless,

Jane

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