Last updated: 3 Sept 2019
Understanding why you are single will help set your heart at peace or help you to make necessary adjustments to attract your mate.
It should help you to wait for God's timing, or it should help you work on yourself and prepare for marriage.
Obvious, isn’t it?
Not necessarily. Many eligible singles do not always think their singleness is because they are yet to find that Right one.
They may think they're unlucky, cursed, or unattractive.
Because of the pressure from society, it may be hard for you to admit to yourself and to others that your singleness extends because it's just not time to meet the right person.
That God has something else on the plate for you.
But it could be the perfect reason why you are single. And if that's the case, God is not going to bring your mate just because you’re eligible or because you’re desperate for marriage.
The screenshot below is from a woman whose ministry blesses me a lot.
You see, why you are single might just be that God has plans different from what you'd want for your life now.
God is still working on your mate. And on you, too!
"But Heather Lindsey got married at 27," you say. "I'm above that age.
Why am I single above 30?"
The question should be, "who set 30 as the base age?"
If you can swallow something hard, then hear this: this writer is above 30. Few months to my 30th birthday, God told me to 'forget' about marriage.
There was a decision and a journey he wanted me to take. And marriage was going to be a hindrance.
That's debatable, but it's a conviction I cling to.
God can and does make singles wait. And he has no base age. He could have chosen to give Abram and Sarai a son in their youthful years, but he waited until they were 100 and 90.
Unfortunately, our society ALWAYS puts marriage at the top of the list for singles, bringing unnecessary pressure on the unmarried to escape what God is doing in their lives at the present time.
And many of us singles behave like Sarai. We become impatient with the waiting and seek to help God, forgetting that we might birth an Ismael that is out of God's will.
I did get impatient at some point and hoped to make things happen in my time. My spirit was genuinely troubled until I let that relationship go.
The reason why you are single today may give you no option for change than to wait.
Focusing on God's NOW agenda will lessen the frustrations that sometimes come with the waiting season.
God knows and cares about your need for a partner. He’s working on it. He’s working on you.
And when you’re ready, He will bring him or her along your way.
Yes, I just said above that when you’re ready, God will bring that right one for you.
The funniest thing is, many Christian Singles always think they’re ready or even more than ready for marriage.
Being of age, having a job, wanting to have sex, many singles think those qualify them for marriage.
No. Readiness for marriage is not about your age or desire for marriage or sex.
This is not to say that everyone who gets married is ready; you can even easily get married while very unprepared for that stage of life.
I’m talking here to you, Christian Single, who has a hard time finding the right one, and wondering why you are single still when your need for marriage is so great.
I believe God leads people to their partners. That’s how great His love for His children is – He guides and directs.
BUT, God knows when you’re ready and when you’re not. So
instead of fretting over the reason why you are still single, prepare yourself for marriage.
In the book, Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, author Gary Smalley says, “A plumber’s license takes four years while a marriage license takes two willing BODIES, and sometimes, a blood test.”
Hilarious, but there’s deep truth and implications in that statement.
If your desire for marriage is only because you want another body to partner with yours, or you want a change of status so you can update your profile on social media, you’re not yet ready for marriage.
God wants you to get married and TO ENJOY MARRIAGE. And preparation for an enjoyable marriage begins now when you are single.
Work on yourself. Read books about marriage. If you are a woman, learn what it means to be a godly wife. If you are a man, seek to know how to be a godly man.
Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying you’re not physically beautiful or handsome. That may include it, but it is more than that.
I’m not going to talk on improving your physical appearance; everyone seems to be doing pretty well on that these days.
Unfortunately, the truth is, you can still be physically beautiful or handsome, but remain unattractive to the opposite sex.
I’m talking about attitude and who you presently are.
If you’re a man who is not working, you need to focus on getting a job. A woman who turns you down because you are not working is not really self-centered or money-minded.
Among the things a man needs before marriage, he should work. Have a job.
If you are a woman, work on your attitude, cultivate behaviors that can attract godly men to you. Gentleness, kindness, respect etc. Let the fruit of the Spirit be evident in your life.
If you have a problem with traits such as anger, seek help.
I must say it is burdensome trying to change for the sake of attracting a mate. The best approach is to seek intimacy with God.
Let every outward change come from an inward encounter with God’s Word and Spirit working in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
If you change to gain the approval of a potential partner, you may soon lose enthusiasm if the method is not working fast enough. Just live for God, and a godly man or a godly woman would find you truly attractive.
Other attitudes that can make you unattractive include poor self-esteem, insecurity, lack of purpose and direction in life, desperation.
things show up in relationships, and might just be the reason why you are single.
I haven’t read the book, Get Married, but I heard it said that God directed the author to go online and get exposed to men seeking wives. She did, and the third man she interacted with ended up being her husband.
When it is said that God leads His children to their partners, do not imagine God bringing that person to their doorsteps.
I don’t doubt He can and does do it that way. But you should not limit God. Love stories are not the same.
The bottom line is to seek God’s guidance.
You may be geographically located where they are no eligible godly singles and that could just be why you are single.
Personally, I have an aversion for online dating because of
the dangers (VIDEO) involved.
But I equally acknowledge that it is an avenue for singles who need exposure. There are many testimonies of genuine God-fearing couples who met online.
If you choose to go that route, tread with caution. Do not be desperate. Pray about it and let the Lord lead you.
Talking about God leading you, he may not only lead you to get exposure online. You may need to change physical location.
Probably you are in a job or church family or environment when he doesn’t want you there. Moving may just be what is required to bring your path to cross with that of your future mate.
There are some singles who don't walk with God, they won't move out of their comfort zone, they won't change anything about their lives.
And yet, they wonder why God is keeping them single.
Your lack of willingness to move out of the box could be the reason why you are single.
So you see, it boils down to your relationship with God. Understanding what he expects from you, and walking in obedience to his leading.
Walking with God remains the best and tested way to meet your mate. There's no better substitute for trusting God with your romantic life. Let him guide you.
This is very likely if you're a perfectionist.
You want a mate who thinks like you, believes exactly the same things, has the same hobbies, has a certain type of complexion and height, has the same or higher level of education...
Your idea of compatibility may actually be so ideal that it is hard for you to find someone who looks like the mate in your mind.
As a Christian, you have to understand what are the essential qualities you should look for in a mate, and what is non-essential, that is, those things you can tolerate without being false to your beliefs as a child of God.
You don't have to have the same hobbies with the person you choose to marry. They don't have to be on the same level with you academically. Those are things that can change with time.
That's one reason I encourage singles to read a lot about marital life. Many singles are desiring marriage, but doing nothing to prepare on how to become spouses and parents.
But when you read books on marriage, you'll discover that there's a lot of tolerance to exercise when you finally say, "I do". No perfect mate exists.
One cause of divorce is marriage contracted with unrealistic expectations.
If you’ve read this far, you must have identified why you are single. I pray the Lord grant you grace to wait for his timing, or the grace to make needed adjustments.
Janet is a Christian with a knack for writing. She's passionate about encouraging the pursuit of God and a life of purpose.